Bella Blue Burlesque

It’s no secret to anyone that the majority of us in this industry have a stage name. Yes, Bella is my stage and name more often than not, I do go by my stage name. I have done so for probably 2 of the 3 years that I have been burlesque dancing. For one reason or another, I have always been super secretive about my “other” life. My real name, what I do, where I live, my family, etc. My efforts to humanize myself have only been done over Facebook with photos of my children and some random videos and stuff. But I think that maybe was more for myself(?). And over the course of the last 6 months, I have come to realize that I have let my stage persona seep over into my personal life and the 2 have gelled together more than I would like. In April, I went through some really rough times and I felt like all I had was my work. I dumped myself into my work and my image more than I ever had before. I began truly building the “empire” that I am always speaking of. And it became that more often than not, I was having to be Bella because I was more comfortable with who Bella was than I was with the real me. And being on stage is always where I felt the most at home so I made my entire world my stage. Don’t take it the wrong way, I was never being “fake” to anyone. My personality is true through and through. I mean, I’m not perfect and I make mistakes but what you see is what you get. However, there is most definitely a wall that I had put up between myself and others which allowed me to always be “on stage.” And honestly, it kept me “safe.” The downside is that I realize lately that I feel like I have kind of lost myself. And I am working very hard on getting back to that. This past weekend I spent an amazing time with some friends and really had time to get back to myself. I was introduced to new people as my real name, I was not looked at as a stage persona, and I was really able to let loose and be a little vulnerable. And I kinda liked it….actually, I liked it a lot. And it has motivated me to back peddle and make sure that this doesn’t happen again. I often wonder if other dancers go through this and if they start to see that it all becomes one. I’m sure it happens, and I’m sure for some it happens on an even greater level. I guess what I’m getting at is that I don’t want this to happen again. And I’m glad to be back on the other side of the looking glass:)

Love and rhinestones,
Bella