Bella Blue Burlesque

You never really think about it. You know it will happen eventually but you kind of just think it’ll be something you deal with when you get to it. And even then, you feel that it will be after your parent lived a long healthy life and their body is just so tired, it finally rests for good. Or, it’s sudden like my mom’s death. And then the rug is ripped out from underneath you and you are left feeling like you are trying to catch your breath under water. No matter how it happens, it still blows. Big ones. And anyone who knows me knows that I have to add some humor to all situations…even this one. I couldn’t get through anything without it. And as I go through this experience, I am tracking it here. Here you have my personal guide to losing a parent…specifically your mom.

1) No matter whether you talked every day, once a week, or once a year, losing your mother will always suck. You guys may fight like 2 mo hawked cage fighters but at the end of the day she is the person who spew you forth into this world.

2) Pick out your mom’s outfit to wear. Do not—and I repeat—DO NOT rent (yes, I said rent) one of those god awful dresses from the funeral home for your mom to wear on her funeral day. She is more likely to come back and smack you in the head if you put her in one of those pastel pearly frocks. Spend the money on something she would wear in her day to day so that on the last day you see her, she actually looks like her.

3) Be prepared to gain a lot of weight. Everyone’s immediate response is to cook for you and your family. There will be more food than any of you will know what to do with except eat…and eat..and eat. And it will be reeeaaalllyyy good. And you’ll want to eat more of it. And then if you’re a burlesque dancer, people will pay you to put your clothes back on. Ha!

4) You will need lots of hand sanitizer if you plan on standing in the receiving line and greeting everyone that comes. LOTS. And you will hug a lot of people who remember or know you but you don’t know or remember them. It’s ok. Just go with it.

5) Your friends will go above and beyond for you. The people who were your friends in the past will come out of the woodwork. People that you went to grade school with will email you. People you forgot about will end up standing right in front of you. Your boyfriend will become a human snot rag. Take it all in.

6) Cleaning out her things can in fact be therapeutic. I found that it’s more difficult to look at someone’s things who is never coming back (think toothbrush, shampoo, perfume, closet full of clothes) than it was to decide what to do with them, organize what was kept, and give the rest to whatever organization they would have donated to. I was lucky that the cleaning spree also transferred to my house because I cleaned the shit out of my kitchen and my bathroom.

7) Call and listen to her old voicemail from time to time. It’s amazing how quickly the sounds of someone’s voice can slip from your memory when you don’t hear it on a daily basis anymore. I found myself trying to remember how she said or sounded when she said certain things. Her cell is still active so I went and listened to her voicemail message and it reminded me all over again. And it was just nice to hear her voice:)

8) My friend Daveaux gave me some great advice. He said to keep doing the normal things…make the bed. Do laundry. Cook dinner. They help keep you grounded. Besides, your mom didn’t raise a slob, right? (Personally, I’m a closet slob).

That’s what I have so far….tomorrow will make one week since she died. I think what I miss the most is her posting on my Facebook. Weird huh? The little things like that….