Bella Blue Burlesque

Tomorrow will be one month since my mom passed away. The last 4 weeks have been a blur—among other things—and here’s what I’ve learned so far…

1: Kids are way more resilient than adults. They obviously feel pain however they seem to accept and move on with the greatest of ease. My kids have proven to be incredibly strong throughout this. I am a little envious that they have youth on their side on this one.

2: Staving off the inevitable sadness is much like sandbagging water. It’s useless so you might as well give in and just feel it. Go emo and just embrace it. Update your status to something miserable. Put on The Cure and The Smiths. And smoke cloves. See, doesn’t that feel better?

3: Maintaining a routine is helpful but is not as easy as it sounds. YOU HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY. Eventually you will run out of clothes and underwear. This doesn’t do anyone any good—especially those around you. Get out of rewashing the same 5 outfits. It feels good.

4: There are a lot more people around you than you realized who are going through or have been through what you are. There’s something comforting in sharing “war stories.”

5: People will ask you “how are you doing?” alot. And it’s ok because they care. Just answer them honestly and thank them for their concern because think of how awful it would be if no one asked.

6: Ask for help. This is something I suck royally at. But you’re gonna need it. Especially if your mom helped you out as much as mine did. My world has been turned upside down lately in trying to make my life operate the way it did before she died. She was a key part of that. And it may mean that some things have to change but until I make that decision, I’ve had to ask for some help. And you know what? People who love you will help. And they don’t mind one bit. People need to feel needed so not only are they doing something for you but you are doing something for them as well.

7: Keep dancing. And dance like everyone is watching.

I don’t think that the shock factor ever really goes away…people keep saying it gets less and less and things eventually get easier. For me, it still feels like it just happened 12 hours ago. So I keep waiting for the ‘easier’ part to show up. And it will…I know. The hardest part is that you just have to keep going because no matter what, the sun is still going to come up. Ironically, there IS a lot of comfort in that. In partner dancing, you are constantly told to keep your head up and stop looking at your feet. This dance is one dance you definitely have to keep reminding yourself to keep your head up…